Monday, April 30, 2012

College: A Wrap Up. (And Also Boobies.) Part Two!


Disclaimer: Still no boobies. But wait one more week for part three and I promise a boob story!

This is the part where I wrap up the bitchy roommate story.

Since I removed the original post, here’s a recap (essentially the entire roommate post. Scroll past it if you’ve read it already).

“This is my bitchy rant blog post. I don’t think I’ll be making posts like this very often, so it will still be safe to check my blog for funny posts after this. I’m only a bitch sometimes.

Some people go to college with their friends and live with them. Other people commute, so they don’t even have to worry about the stress of living with another person. And some people are lucky enough to get a single room on campus. That way, they can live on campus without having to worry about getting along with someone.

I’m a pretty easy person to get along with. I don’t need my roommate to be my best friend. I just need her to not get in the way of my basic survival needs.

These need include breathing, eating, drinking, sleeping, being warm and watching America’s Next Top Model.

Lately, my roommate has gotten in the way of at least three of these things.

I care the least about watching America’s Next Top Model. When she got in the way of that last week, it wasn’t a big deal. As long as I see the finale tomorrow, I don’t give a fuck. I like seeing the new episodes, but it’s a only minor inconvenience to my day if I miss it.

But what has really gotten on my nerves recently is that she spontaneously decides to open the window sometimes.

It’s December.

I am not okay with this. And I told her several times at the beginning of the year that I hate the cold. The cold makes me want to kill things just to keep myself warm.

Nothing says “heat” like a murderous rage.

Anyway, no big deal, right? Who cares if she opens the window for a few minutes?

Well, I don’t care. But all night? When I have to wake up at 6am for class and take a shower? And then change my clothes and be almost completely naked with the window still open as I continue to freeze?

Not okay with me.

This gives me two options.

1.       Talk to her about it and fix things like a pussy adult.

2.       Pretend it doesn’t bother me at all and act like a huge bitch regarding everything else because it’s obvious at this point that she deliberately tries to piss me off even though I don’t think I’ve ever done anything to her.

I pick the second option.

Think I’m being immature? Let’s look at the other bitchy things she’s done…

Day 1: She got to move in before me because of some bullshit alphabetical thing the school did on move in day. She took more than half of the room. And she took the window side.

I had to move a bunch of stuff around my side of the room just to have room for my mini-fridge. She has a mini-fridge, microwave and tv. I don’t even have room for any of these.

          Perfume: She puts on a lot of perfume. I’m usually not bothered by it, because I love perfume, but it’s even becoming annoying to me. And I own more than a reasonable amount of perfume. But I’m able to put on a sensible amount. That way, people can tell that I smell good without being completely overwhelmed. I don’t think she understands this. She sprays it for almost an entire minute several times a day. It’s really unnecessary. If someone with a perfume allergy walked by her, or into our room, I’m pretty sure they would die. If your perfume can kill someone, you have too much on. Get over yourself.

          Twitter: She’s kind of obsessed with Twitter. I have an account, and I use it sometimes, but she definitely takes it too seriously. For example, she thinks it’s okay to post things about me on there. Which is why I think it’s okay to post rude things about her on my blog.

Let me take a moment to describe what happened with the Twitter situation…

We had been getting along fine. In fact, we were talking almost every night. Almost like friends. It was nice.

When we first moved in, I didn’t think I was going to be friends with my roommate. But after a few weeks, it looked like we might be starting to be friends.

But I was wrong.

One day I decided that, since she posts about Twitter so much, she wants everyone she has ever met in her entire life to follow her.

That’s how serious she seemed to take Twitter.

I had apparently been too nice to her. Because on Twitter she posted something like “My roommate won’t shut up!”

Except it was ruder than that. I was too pissed off to remember exactly what she said. But I was just trying to be friendly.

She should try that sometime.

          She watches really stupid shows: I watch tv once a week. I watch tv Wednesday nights for America’s Next Top Model and South Park.

She watches Jersey Shore and The Bad Girls Club EVERY FUCKING DAY. Among other really stupid shows that keep me up at night with angry bitches screaming at each other.

And that’s why I don’t try very hard to get along with her.

I think if I decided to be a huge bitch, she’d do the same thing and then we’d end up screaming at each other. So I’m making this blog post instead so all of you can hate her as much as I do.

We do get along sometimes. But right now I’m too angry about the window being left open to really care about being her friend.



It’s later in the day now. She just got back and opened the window again.

And this time?

She is under all of her blankets.

She opened the window. And is now using blankets.

YOU WOULDN’T NEED THE BLANKETS IF YOU WOULD CLOSE THE FUCKING WINDOW, ASSHOLE!

UPDATE: Number of times she’s taken out the trash: 0.

Number of times she’s bitched about other people not taking out the trash: Approx. 7

Number of times I’ve taken out the trash: Approx. 4”



Yeah. It was a long one. But can you really blame me?

Anyway, I bet at least one person is wondering what happened with that (if you don’t already know).

Well, I left for winter break and took the majority of my things because I really had no intention of continuing to live there.

Then when I got home I saw that one of her friends (who, until that particular moment, hadn’t been that bad) had tagged me in a post calling me out about bitching about my roommate on my blog.

Here’s what I don’t understand…SHE WAS CALLING ME OUT FOR CALLING SOMEONE OUT.

Roommate posted about me on Twitter. I posted about Roommate on my blog. Roommate’s friend decides to get involved and post about me on Facebook.

Why was it necessary to have a social networking fight on three social networks? HOW DOES THAT MAKE SENSE??

If my roommate was a nicer person, nothing would have happened at all. I’m not the kind of person to do nothing when someone is a huge bitch to me for no reason at all. Blogging was something; and it was enough.

Anyway, I ended up moving into another building at 9am on move in day. I got there as early as I could so I could avoid any chance of seeing her. Mostly because my mom was going to be there. I didn’t want my mom to be brought into it.

So, I moved into another building and resumed classes the next day.

Then I dropped out for several reasons, but none of them involved my former roommate.

I am disappointed that I didn’t get to have sex in her bed before I left, though. I really wanted to. I even had someone that was completely willing to do it with me.

In fact, I believe his exact words were “She deserves it”.

And she did. I completely regret not doing something to ruin her year, but maybe she at least learned to be nicer.



Just kidding! Girls like that never learn anything.

Here are some tweets I managed to find regarding me:

This is from September. After only a month of knowing her. She really didn’t waste any time.


And this one is from December, after I left for winter break.

But remember the part where you said things about me first? Of course you don’t. Because you’re a snobby bitch who clearly lacks common sense. Also, good job on saying "what" twice. That really makes you look more intelligent.




See? She would have deserved it if someone had sex in her bed. Remember, kids; if you're being bullied, the best revenge is to have sex in their bed.

Unless you're twelve. Then just tell their mom.



UPDATE: If you haven’t already, you should definitely submit some questions for my interview post. Details here.

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