Saturday, September 10, 2011

Freshman Orientation

At freshman orientation I decided I was done being shy. I was going to talk to people. Lonely people, pretty people, people that looked like they would be funny, whatever. I was going to do it. The fear that I would be ignored was gone. I was going to be social and people would fucking love me.
Then I met Edgar. Kind of.

I first encountered Edgar when my friend Chris (actually, more of an acquaintance) abandoned me to hang out with some fellow art majors. I don’t understand art, so I actually just eased out of the conversation and walked away. But I felt slightly abandoned. I really don’t think they even noticed. This didn’t bother me at first. I mean, I was no longer shy. I’d just find someone else to talk to. I looked around and saw a kid sitting all alone at a table. His nametag said Edgar. He looked Asian. But a pretty Asian. I find that really rare. I mean, a lot of Asians are hot. I just normally can’t find myself liking their face. Edgar had a nice face. So I walked over, sat down and said hi. I was bubbly, happy and I looked pretty that day. I cannot explain why the following occurred. But he said nothing. Not only did he not respond, but he didn't show any signs of acknowledging that I spoke. I thought maybe I wasn’t loud enough. So I waited a little while and listened to my iPod. Then I completely missed something important that was said by one of the orientation people. So I asked Edgar what they said. And I was not quiet. I said “HEY! DID YOU HEAR WHAT THEY SAID? I MISSED IT!” I was probably only slightly quieter that that voice in your head as you read that. And still, he showed no sign that he heard me. So I thought maybe he was deaf and I followed a crowd of people and met up with Chris again. For the remainder of the day I continued trying to be social with varying levels of success. During the quiet moments I pondered if it was possible to have sex in a tree. I hope to deliver an update on that sometime. Anyway, the next day we picked our classes and were sorted into our rooms by our majors. Chris and I were in the same room because Arts and Languages were together. Guess who else was an art major? Edgar. Fucking Edgar. I almost sat with him. I was almost like “This kid WILL fucking talk to me. He might not fuck me, but he’s going to at least TALK to me!” but I still thought he might be deaf at that moment, so I sat near Chris instead. The teacher and a couple upperclassmen that know things walked around helping us choose classes and answered any questions we had. Pretty much everyone had questions. Except for Edgar. Of course. So eventually the teacher dude asked Edgar how he was doing. I expected to hear silence followed by the teacher rushing to find a sign language book. But instead Edgar responded. He wasn’t even fucking deaf! He just didn’t want to talk to me! And he was texting during my attempts. So not only did this jerk ignore me, make me think he was deaf AND miss some housing meeting (the important piece of info I missed while listening to my iPod) but he was also probably talking to his friends about some weird girl that was happily screaming at him.
So, I've been living on campus for a couple weeks now. And I suck at meeting people. Everyone probably thinks I’m an anti-social freak and you know what? I totally blame Edgar.
Fuck Edgar. Except I couldn’t. Because he was a jerk.
Oh, and, did I mention the first thing my orientation roommate saw when she woke up was my half naked, wet body? That happened too.


  1. Eh. Hard to say. I know a kid in my class who never talks. And it's a running joke. If someone calls him, we all crowd hid to see if he'll talk. Last time, he hung up on the caller because of it. His mum, on the other hand, claims that he never shuts up at home, and he was sighted chatting with his schoolmates once.
    Or maybe Edgar's mum told him to beware voodoo white girls because.

    1. I had a friend that used to be really shy. But then my friends and I corrupted her and now she talks all the time. I think the only way to get a shy person to talk is to suffocate them with joy and excitement.
      But, if Edgar's mom did tell him that, it was probably a good call on her part. I'm a bad influence.

    2. Sounds about right. I'm insufferably timid and shy until I get enough stimuli hang with rad people. Then it's all "Break out in song in public? Sure! Jump off this here railing? Why not? Make everything in-u-end-oh! ? Let's do it!"